Dear Ms. DeVos,
Congratulations! You are Secretary of Education! Only in America… although I’m not sure that phrase holds its original meaning in your case, but never mind that for now. OK, so the Senate hearings could have gone better. There were all those unfair pesky questions about Public Education by Democrats who must be in the hip pockets of the Teachers Unions, your familiarity with public schools is a bit thin, and there were those two traitorous Republican senators from rural states where charter schools are impractical and would really hurt public K-12 school funding (did you not spend any of that 200 Million in Maine or Alaska?). But hey, you received a higher percentage of the vote in the Senate than President Trump received in the Popular Vote! Tell him that at your first Cabinet meeting; I bet he would get a kick out of that! And how about that Mike Pence? Talk about a friend in need and indeed!
Don’t worry, I get you… I am an Independent School teacher who went to private schools and a small private college… Don’t you miss the days when we could call our schools and colleges “private” and really acknowledge what kind of colleges we wanted to attend, and what kind of schools we want our children to attend. Better yet, we didn’t have to hide or decorate over the privilege or discrimination that “our” schools and colleges maintained and which we might secretly still wish for. Now we have to use “Independent” to rebrand private schools or wrap our small exclusive colleges in Christian names and values like some “cloak of invisibility.” Oops…sorry for the Pagan reference. You know what I mean.
I hate to admit it, but I did have a brief stint in Public Education during Graduate School. My mother needed to educate my younger brothers in small private colleges too, and those two years at SUNY – Binghamton were tough! There were some really smart students there – truth be told, students who were much smarter than me, despite my private school education. Binghamton was challenging… and, well, affordable. I guess that’s why those smart undergrads and graduate students were there in the first place. Here is the surprising part of the story: the SUNY system was funded, maintained, and expanded by a Republican! Remember Nelson Rockefeller? By the time he got finished with SUNY, there were over 70 college and university campuses that educated over 200,000 students a year, and from 1979 – 1981, I was one of those students. Ironically, without “Rocky’s” commitment to “public” education, I wouldn’t be capable of teaching in a “private” school… isn’t that something.
But I digress, back to you.
Here is “a modest proposal” regarding the American Public Education system that educates approximately 50 million kids from kindergarten through senior year of high school, and millions more young adults in “postsecondary” community colleges, “public” colleges and universities, as well as other educational programs to assist those needy kids you profess wanting to help.
Don’t worry… we’re not going to eat all those public school students! They are not all Irish after all… heck, most of the immigrants aren’t even Irish anymore. Also, that is far too Swiftian for one thing, and far too gauche for another, especially for someone like you who may have been served frog legs during a luncheon with the President-Elect… or were the frogs only for Mitt?
Sorry, let’s return to education.
Since about 50 million children are in Public Schools K-12, and less than 10 million in those same grades attend Charter Schools, religious schools, and private schools, * why not use your time as Secretary of Education as an opportune time to permanently draw the line between those Americans who are able to afford private or religious schools or those who are lucky enough to get their kids into a Charter School versus those who are somehow “less fortunate.” Think of the exclusive socio-economic tier our kids from private schools and Faith based education could occupy and hold. They would be leaps and bounds ahead of virtually all of those public school kids forever, especially after the Boss’ new tax policies go into effect. Talk about Prosperity Theology, what about prosperity education?
Most kids from Private Schools go to “highly selective” private Liberal Arts colleges or at least the best Public Universities… like the one in Ann Arbor (Go Blue!), and most “highly selective” colleges and universities feast off the cream of the high school crop, and that certainly includes our private schools and religious schools. See the nice orderly circle of education? Sure, we can include a couple of brilliant poor kids, making their way up from the “inner city” or from Appalachia. That’s good for the American Dream myth and makes us all feel better. And once they make their way through “our” schools and colleges, they might even vote Republican.
You can cover your moves with a generous voucher program or something in the coming tax break and add some altruistic and impassioned appeals about providing “access” to the best schools for all children. Sure, that would be some kind of voucher or tax break that could cover the cost of most private or religious schools; the 2016 – 2017 tuition for my school is $46, 250; the local Catholic school is a deal at $18,900. But ultimately, it’s only the thought that counts. Besides, those who truly believe in public school education can always move to Newton or Chappaqua or Winnetka and then enroll their kids in “South or North,” or Horace Greeley, or New Trier. I guess that’s access too, right?
But whatever you do, don’t go down the rabbit hole of educational policy or try to really do something to improve education for all 50 million plus kids. That is way too much to do and way too much to learn!
Don’t consider paying teachers as you would pay other professionals with a similar level of education; teachers have the summers off after all… or at least they have it off to paint houses, or to teach summer school, or to work at camps for kids.
Don’t suggest that class size matters, and that a national goal should be set to establish a manageable maximum of 20 students per class in all public schools. It’s easier to pass another round of standards that teachers should meet regardless of the size or the ability level of the classes they teach, and then “evaluate” the teachers according to student performance. You could even call it “extreme vetting for teachers.” That has a nice ring to it.
Don’t push a bold initiative to “first” rebuild schools in poorer neighborhoods according to per capita earnings of a district or city. “So the last shall be first, and the first last.” I know you know that is from Matthew 20:16, not from “Two Corinthians.” Instead get that money to the states in block grants so states can do whatever they want with the money with little to no real expectations and certainly no restrictions… maybe they could fund some Christian charter schools with tax payer money!
Don’t set real goals and standards for STEM curricula that would prepare the next generation of Americans for the competitive and innovative work ahead in a global economy. Not when there is still the unfinished business of installing Creationist science curricula to balance Biology, Chemistry, and Physics; you need some “alternative science facts” and fast!
Most importantly, don’t allow some “so called” Americans to question obedience to the Pledge of Allegiance, to request “other” religious holidays, or to object to Christmas decorations and celebrations. And whatever you do, don’t let that bathroom issue come up! This is America after all, and isn’t it bad enough that we may have lost the battle on teaching cursive?
Sincerely,
Alden Mauck
The Taft School ‘75, Lake Forest College ’79, and SUNY – Binghamton ’81
*Data comes courtesy of NCES, the National Center for Educational Statistics
indschooldiversity.org 